Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Fardea - Part 2

Protect The Risen: Fardea - Part 2 - A Pirate's Fate:

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  1. I'll tell you what I think tomorrow...still catching up today.

  2. I tried to figure out a way to email you, but blogger is sometimes confounding. If you will allow me a moment of critique to your fabulous story as a friend and fellow blogger. :)

    I've changed a few of your periods to commas. I used periods too when I started writing...mostly because I was accustomed to reading in a different language.

    "I'll have your throat Benny," Jaris replied as his long saber dashed towards the new pirate leader.

    "Argh, is that all you have Benny?  I've got worse cuts from the rigging of our spar," Jaris taunted.

    "Ya needin not worry much longer about me," Benny coolly stated back.

    "You and I have terms to agree on," Fardea retorted.

    "As with your predecessor, the Shadowlings have an offer for thee," Fardea Panthrex stated pertly.

  3. I love it and have no doubt my writing is need of love. Its funny how a simple thing as period versus a comma could escape the eye for so long. I suspect that I have this kind of situation throughout my manuscript as well. I will have to add this to my list of things to do.

    Just looking at it with the commas is more pleasing, not to mention the smoother read it makes. Dang I'm goofy. I'd say I am embarrassed about but heck I'm no pro at this stuff, what is the gamers call guys like me, newb. Heh, yep, that's me, but I do aspire to be better. Therefore, I'd love more criticism of this nature in the future so please don't hold back. I should probably pick up a good grammar book at some point, but the darn things are such a snore fest. Hmm, maybe I could find a few good videos/lectures from editors contain 'look outs' for us novice writers. Thanks again... (off to search web)

  4. Also before I forget, I rearranged the gadgets to put my email on the front page. Hope that helps.

  5. Thanks Mike. What helps me with the whole comma in quotes issue is just to pick up a novel and read how the other writers are doing it. We're all here to help each other out. I'd like to see us all succeed. I'm learning too. :)