Wednesday, May 18, 2011

depth aka chicken post

Okay so yesterday was a bit of an odd post for most I would suspect.  It was meant to be a lighthearted and not taken with the utmost seriousness.  With that said I still want to make the point that I believe it matters to the readers that their writers did their research or took the time to make the story right.  When I read it is in short spurts (probably because the writing gets in the way.)  I know for many others they sit and read for hours, which sure I love to do as well, but seldom get the time to do so.  In either case, but more importantly to those like me who only read little chunks of a book at a time I think it is important that each block of words hold value.  The page should have depth and meaning to it so that the reader can feel engrossed in whatever moment is depicted in it.  I know personally I would not want to read blah blah blah and then bam a nice cliff hanger at the end to keep me on the edge of my seat.  No for me I would rather read substance, substance, substance, and then holy crap I think I'm going to pee my pants.  So have I and other writers hit that achievement every time probably not; but what a goal right?

As one of my old forums use to say "this post is useless without pics," but since this is a writing blog I think it more fit to give a writing example.  So without further adieu, the chicken crossing the road example of what I'm talking about.  I'll give ya two versions and hopefully you'll be able to pick which version is the better of them.

Why did the Chicken cross the road: Version 1

Sam the chicken thought it would be a good idea to cross the road.  In order to reach the other side he would have to traverse the pavement that stretched two car widths.  Having not previously been on that side this would be a great adventure for him.  He left behind his parents, some friends, and his girlfriend named Butterball.  On that far side were lots of food for dinner so Sam could not wait to get started.  After several moments he looked back having accomplished the deed.  He had been lucky that no cars needed to pass during that time frame.  He was now on the other side and his new life awaited him.

Version 2:

Sam's eye stared down the highway, his neck tilting slightly as he anticipated the cross.  There was so much to consider about this life changing decision.  If he crossed now, Sam would be leaving behind his parents, his friends, an the love of his life Butterball.  He had known her since they were peeps, and his heart ached as he thought of losing her.  The other side with its insect and worm lush fields and the low hanging branches for roosting held so many promises for his future.  Over there he could make a name for himself.  Yes he wish Butterball had the courage to join him, but there would be other hens.  He swallowed hard, and stretched out his neck fully checking one last time that the way was clear.  Then with his head held high he strutted across the two lane road.

Okay those were written on the fly so please be easy on me.  I hope that they still illustrate what I am trying to get at.  The first blurb is cold and quite frankly leaves as fast as it comes in.  The second though, at least for me, has a bit more oomph to it.  I feel his dilemma and then his pride at the end.  So even over such a few short words big and dramatic differences can be found.

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